The 10 Crushes of Your Book-selling Career

If you haven’t had a Bookcrush yet, chances are you’ve only been to an info session so far. Anyone who’s been in the book biz for more than a minute will inevitably find themselves experiencing one or more of the following 10 types of infatuations. They’re about as certain as summertime car problems or sunburn on a walker.

The 10 types of crushes you will experience in your book-selling career:

IMG_62211: Your student manager

They understand you, inspire you, look into your eyes and listen intently as you tell them about your goals, dreams, and fears. They remembered your name in the info session. You may even want him/her without even knowing it yet, but soon you will.

Chances with them: 20-30%, there has been success in this arena for some, but it’s rare since your student manager generally “doesn’t see you that way.”

IMG_61232: SW leaders who speak at Sales School

Whether it’s Dan after he inspires you to tears, Ryan for his dry humor and loud wardrobe, Haley after her display of innovation and adorable curls, or KJ’s cow impression—these leaders always leave you wanting more [to fantasize about while you’re on the bookfield].

Chances with them: .001%, unless you’re also one of them and you’re both single; or if they are Ryan (If Ryan, 100%)

IMG_59853: Your OL

Usually around week 4-5, when they hit PC for the first time—you look at them boxing someone out during recognition and realize… they are the most glorious preternatural person in the world — and then you spend the rest of your summer trying to impress them.

Chances with them: 10-20%, A tough one, as they are probably involved in a higher level crush already, but if your sales are up and you’re moderately attractive, you may catch them in a number 9 scenario [don’t skip ahead].

IMG_78084: The person you compete with during the summer

Maybe it’s someone in your org, maybe someone in another org who you practiced with in the parking lot and later added on Facebook, maybe even your co-OL; but the flirtatious pump up calls (“Have a great day!” “No, YOU have a great day.” “No, YOU have a great day…”)  increase in frequency and excited anticipation as the summer goes by. All of a sudden week 10 you are ending your conversations with “I love you,” and beating them in sit-downs becomes your main motivation during the day. In fact, you’ve even taped a decorative notecard to your steering wheel as a constant reminder.

Chances with them: 80-100% — WARNING: Precarious phase of booklove because 1) Bookgoggles (feelings often disappear after checkout) and 2) if they beat you in UNITS, you lose many attractive points. Unit-based love = slippery slope.

IMG_91835: Your DSM

“He/She just gets me.” You’ve thought it ever since you were sitting in the student union back at campus. You felt like they connected with you better than anyone at college does, and you just click with them. Of course, they have to hide their favoritism for you by treating everyone equally… but you know what the real deal is.

Chances with them: 2-5%, it’s happened a handful of times since 1868. But just know that it requires a real SICAR (Serious Intense Committed Adult Relationship).

1477896_10201847632730621_1084679894_n6: Attractive unit producer on sizzler

Bookpeople at their peak physique, romantic island atmosphere, cocktails in bathing suits, all you can eat tacos, it’s all a recipe for finding love in a hopeless place.

Chances with them: 100% at the swim up bar, 100% on the beach at sunset, 100% on the dance floor at the club, 100% if you produced more units than they did.

IMG_05337: The internationals at GRS

They’re beautiful, blonde, they have an accent, they produce units, and you’ll never meet their parents because they live in a mountain town in Slovenia. What more can you ask for?

Chances with them: 20%, They may allow you a 3+ hour conversation on a couch at the Renaissance, maybe a kiss goodnight, but they tend to stick with people their side of the ocean. No harm in trying, though.

MtnCabinCouple728: Co-note taker at the cabin getback

You shared the same recliner during the advanced sales part, shared some laughs in the hot tub, even shared a glass of OJ at the pancake breakfast. These quick but passionate isolated get togethers usually produce one or two attempted long-distance relationships. You could be part of that — and potentially even become Facebook official. If FBO is too hot and heavy for you, at least you two will be able to keep it on the DL with Snapchat.

Chances with them: 70-90%, Chances increase with any increase in the unit/team number goals you two discuss for next summer (WARNING: Scenario 8 runs the risk of becoming a scenario 4 unless you take it to the next level and become a SICAR before sales school).

969973_470853762996428_382203617_n9: The person who follows you during summer / cute first year

You don’t know what love is until you spend that one glorious 13 hour work day with this person of the opposite sex during week 5. So many shared experiences and inside jokes! Remember the quote from that one mom in the cul-de-sac? That hilarious dog we saw? The 3:00 roll we did on their front lawn? You shared your granola bar with me… I love you.

Chances with them: 100% if you have a burger day, 90% if 90 units, etc…

seersucker necktie10: Alums with real world jobs

Usually the final phase of booklove that also tends to phase you out of the book world. One day you meet an attractive stranger that not only sold books (like you!), but also now has a big boy job and sometimes a come from behind success story (just like the ones your DSM always told!). With your shared beliefs, principles, and experiences, you get along better with them than any of those weak hollow souls who never went door to door. Likely candidate for real SICAR, maybe eventual book wedding and book babies.

Chances with them: 40-80%, Largely depending on whether or not you are planning yet another victory lap around the bookfield.

So there you have it, kids. 10 crushes to phase in and out of during your book career. Once you’ve checked them all off your list, you’ll know the confusing satisfaction of a bunch of failed goal-distracting relationships that finally ended in a SICAR. Happy bookloving!

Kate Marshall

by Kate Marshall

follow @katarshall on the Twitter machine


4 thoughts on “The 10 Crushes of Your Book-selling Career

  1. victor rodriguez says:

    This was awesome, Kate!
    Well done. I bet getting all those statistics was hard work.

  2. Travis L says:

    I have had all of these except for 1 and 5, and I think the only reason is because they were both men.

  3. joseph says:


This story and whoever wrote it sucks and here's why...

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