DALLAS – Senior Southwest Airlines executive Roger MacElroy announced in a press conference this morning that their entire corporation, from the CEO down to the guy tossing your free-flying baggage into the cargo deck of the plane, is completely exhausted by everyone referring to their company as “Southwestern.”
“Look at our sign. What does it say? It says ‘Southwest.’ Do you see an ‘ern’ at the end of our name; because I don’t see an ‘ern,'” said a visibly agitated MacElroy. “How about on the wing of the plane? Oh right, it says ‘Southwest’ just like it’s supposed to and always has; except for some reason that’s not the way you jackwagons keep pronouncing it. Have we ever referred to ourselves as “Southwestern” before? No, because that’s not our name. We’re Southwest. It’s written in giant letters on the side of the freakin’ plane! What’s wrong with you people?”
With 104 million customers in transit each year, Southwest boasts the 3rd highest passenger rate of any airline; ahead of both American Airlines and US Airways. However, in spite of major marketing investments such as commercials, print, and online advertisements, forecasts estimate that nearly 95% of passengers will still refer to the airline as “Southwestern.”
At press time, the Southwest customer contact center was responding to a string of emails regarding an order of Ask Me Reptiles.