Dealer Excited To Be Rejected By Women His Own Age Again

IOWA STATE – Returning from his first summer, sophomore Gary Gluth is optimistic about the dates he’ll be turned down for, calls screened, and texts unanswered by women his own age back at campus. Gluth was rejected over 1,900 times this summer by mothers, grandmothers, and even girls from elementary through high school who had no interest in speaking with him or even looking at “whatever it was he was talking about with that stupid mouth of his; and did you see his haircut? Ugh, I can’t even.” Reports also indicate that Gluth was anticipating the looks of disdain which would now be coming from sorority girls at the Zeta house instead of HOA and PTA mothers in the Pineview Heights subdivision. Sources noted that the mustard-stained passenger seat of his bookmobile would no longer be occupied by a neighborhood cat that jumped inside during a door demo, but instead be vacant and available for the judgmental smirks and sarcastic refusals by any and all women on the campus dance team and cheerleading squad.

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