ROCHESTER, MN – In an assumed Al-Qaeda plot to destroy the momentum of Eagle/Blitz First Year Sally Redman, a serene and welcoming bench, with no indication of husband objections or permit requirements with two week waiting periods, has been discovered in the city park running parallel to Redman’s mid-morning neighborhood.
According to sources, Redman was intrigued by the bench’s absence of a ‘No Soliciting’ sign and couldn’t help but notice the cute duck pond in front of it, which unbeknownst to her is a sure indication of a terrorist plot.
When reached for comment, Redman told reporters that she was guilty of glancing at the bench between houses and at one time considered drawing a new pre-approach map while sitting on or around it.
The company released an official statement this afternoon warning against the dangers of terrorist-related objects that look to offer moments of faux-serenity or mis-interpreted inner peace on the Bookfield. The terror list, set at Level Orange, included park benches, leafy shade trees, smiling babies, and homeowners who let you in after only the first approach.