Troop 392 to Seek SW’s Advice Over Smear Site

girl scoutKNOXVILLE – According to 9 year old Brownie level member Kaitlyn Lough, sales of her troop’s Samoas and Thin Mints took a sharp decline this year due to the cynicism of a former scout member with basic knowledge in CSS and JavaScript. Lough explained to the crowd of reporters that many potential customers chose not to sign up for a cookie order this year “after doing some research online”.

“After continually hearing this objection, I went to Google and quickly found the smear site; making outrageous claims about our cookies, the selling process, and the Scout leaders,” noted Lough in a press conference this afternoon. “It’s unfortunate that people would be scared off by such blatantly skewed misrepresentations, especially when they have ample opportunity to find out the facts from me — a living breathing active Girl Scout,” remarked the nine year old. “I mean, saying our troop leaders force us to work in the ghetto and going so far as to claim that girl scout cookies will make you starve and cause your hair to fall out? Are you kidding me? Get over it.”

Lough, her mother Andrea, and the girls of Troop 392 say they are very optimistic for the insight, advice, and perspective that they hope SW will be able to provide them. The group told reporters that they already understand that the reasons people don’t buy Girl Scout cookies are usually irrational or fear-based — fear of diet failure, fear of not having fun with a cookie or missing out on other cookies, not seeing the long-term value in a box of Samoas, a pre-conceived cookie stigma, or they simply don’t trust Girl Scouts. Lough said that these fears are common and can be easily addressed, but that the smear site is  annoying when a potential cookie customer stumbles upon it while a Girl Scout is trying to build trust and a relationship with them.

“It can sometimes create grandiose illusions of potential atrophy in the minds of the customer, but you know what, sometimes it makes me wonder if that’s the case, was that person was really cut out to be a Girl Scout cookie customer in the first place. There’s no way to know,” stated Lough.

Cautious mother and potential customer Sheila Puckett remains skeptical.

Puckett, living an ignorant life of skepticism

“I always do research before making major purchases,” stated Puckett. “In this day and age, you have to. You just have to. Sure, these girls may appear to be official scout members with adequate information, experience, and credentials, but what kind of mother would I be if I just bought cookies for my family without first taking into serious account the internet complaints of anonymous people who I don’t know and will never meet? Besides, if it’s on the internet, it must be true.”

Previous meetings with SW have already provided Troop 392 with other unforeseen benefits. Lough noted, “We’ve already learned to use something called ‘pre-approach’ when selling cookies. Now, in order to save time, we ask everyone we talk to if they know where the fatties are at. Works like a charm.”

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