LANDERS PLAZA – DSM Matt Ross was caught red-handed this morning by investigators searching for a cause as to why growth of incubation businesses seems to have been stunted lately. According to reports, Ross immediately fled the scene. Investigators noted that he has been using the century-old business incubator to keep his Jack In The Box sausage biscuits warm on an average of 2 – 3 times per week. Sources also indicated that the grease from Ross’ biscuit routine has created a “thermal degradation” causing the oil of the incubator to change viscosity slowing the developmental process of the growing businesses to dangerously low levels.
When reached for comment, investigators explained that the incubator now “resembles the inside of a dirty microwave.”
Early reports are projecting total revenue losses due to Ross’ sausage biscuits to be between $2.5 – 3 million.
At press time, Ross was still unavailable for comment as his whereabouts were unknown.