Executives Trace Source of All Company Problems To Humans Interacting With Humans

SW R&D Cmte, moments before a heated argument broke out over their human interaction study

NASHVILLE – In an eye-opening study released today, the Success Research & Development Committee presented their findings showing that the source of every problem from the Board of Directors all the way down to a first year wandering around aimlessly in their territory seemed to be traced to humans interacting with each other.

Success Committee spokesperson Troy Cowbell told reporters, “What we’ve found over the past 19 months while studying a multitude of issues case-by-case is that every complication in some shape or form was a direct result of a person having an encounter with another person. Some connections were simple to make such as when a dealer gets blown off during their approach. Others however had a few layers to peel back before discovering that the real problem was that someone had crossed paths with an idiot.”

Some DSMs such as Aaron Schafer are calling the study a “blessing” saying that they will now have factual evidence to show a whiny first year who thinks that their problem is their territory or the weather when in fact it’s actually the required interactions with other humans.

“It just makes sense now,” noted Sheridan McDonald upon reading the study. “I’ve always been curious to know why the most challenging parts of selling and recruiting have always been people-related, but now it’s like, duh, people don’t always mesh well with other people; especially if one or both of them is some nut monkey. This is big!”

Upon the release of the study, Company Sales Directors have collectively planned a pre-GRS GRS to educate student managers on the opportunities, dangers, and risks involved with human interface as well as how to both sell and answer the inevitable ‘this job makes me deal with people’ objection.

“When it comes to problem solving on the human interaction battle, remember, the battle is won before it’s ever fought,” said Corporate Success Quote Director Leigh MacCorskey, adding, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink, or be successful. Success is a choice you have to make every second of your life, just like the 20/80 rule. Whether you think you’re successful, or you can’t, poor performance is the result of choosing to perform poorly, with people, plus goals. Remember that.”

At press time, the committee had broken out in a heated argument over viewpoints on cooperation between humans.

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