PEORIA, IL – “No! Please! Why does this keep happening to me?” cried a mentally exhausted fourth summer dealer Eric Monroe into his pillow at 5:59am on Saturday morning. Monroe, who ended Friday with a hard-worked day of over fourteen hours, came home to his HQ Friday night and fell asleep immediately after finishing his stat calls. Monroe’s roommates told reporters that the 2nd summer dealer passed out with his fanny pack still on; softly mumbling what sounded to be a buying atmosphere.
Monroe awoke Saturday morning feeling “helpless and disappointed” pointing out how he had hoped that during his time spent sleeping at night he would have found a few hours of escape from dealing with face-to-face rejections, various problems, and the garden variety challenges of direct selling.
Monroe explained to reporters, “I’m becoming a crazy person. It’s a legitimate concern. My entire days are spent selling, and when I finally get to bed at night, my brain takes me through bizarre scenarios that would never happen outside of a dream, but they still stress the crap out of me in my sleep. Then, after dealing with that for the entire night, I get to wake up angry that I didn’t have ‘normal’ dreams and then I go sell for 14 hours again.”
At press time, Monroe was making a ‘gravy list’ while reading through the ‘gravy list’ on the breakfast spot menu.