NASHVILLE – “What the [expletive] is Bookfield Bulletin?! I will burn their houses to the ground!” exclaimed a livid Devlin in regards to Bookfield Bulletin’s recent report of the sales manager inviting Marilyn Manson to guest speak at a recent Sunday Meeting in Texas.
“These ‘reporters’ think they can just take anything that happens, big or small, and make ‘important news’ out of it. These writers are the poorest excuses for use of internet space that a computer has ever seen. I wish I had the 2 minutes of my life back that it took to read the article they wrote about me. I’d use it to steal toys from orphans because that would somehow benefit society more than these clowns are,” noted Devlin in a press conference at Landers Plaza.
“If I could create an ‘Island of Awful’ and condemn 10 people to solitary confinement on a miserable rock in the ocean, the first 5 would be the people who contribute to this garbage, and the other 5 would be any of the thousands of people who actually read BFB,” mentioned an irate Devlin.
Continued Devlin, “Countless tears have been shed over this whole situation. Did they ask permission at all to talk about how I invited Marilyn Manson to our meeting? [Expletive] no! Do they realize that the majority of the students I lead don’t understand the difference between real news and BFB’s brand of ‘important news’? [Expletive] no! Do they care? [Expletive] no! I’ll see you in court, you sick sons-of-[female dogs].”