Area Dealer Disappointed With Drinks From Mrs Jones, Remains Thirsty

WICHITA FALLS, TX – Third summer Soutwestern student manager David Patterson’s thirst went un-quenched this afternoon as the hard working University of Louisville student persisted on through his afternoon map amidst a 95 degree heat index. According to Patterson, on this unseasonably warm day he mistakenly brought an insufficient amount of water bottles when he left his HQ. By 2pm Patterson began asking homeowners if he could purchase spare drinks from them only to become the unfortunate bearer of disappointment.

“The first house I asked gave me Squeeze-It. Seriously. A Squeeze-It. Not even a good flavor too, it was a blue one. I don’t even know what flavor that’s supposed to be,” lamented Patterson to the crowd of reporters.

“Then, this old lady gives me a room-temperature V8. Yeah, thanks a lot granny. That’s exactly what I’m looking for when it’s 200 degrees outside,” stated Patterson sarcastically.

The frustrated dealer continued saying, “And if that wasn’t enough, I finally, finally get a cold bottle of water… someone’s refilled bottle of water. I mean, do I really have to go into detail on why that’s gross? Who are these people?”

According to sources, at press time Patterson had high hopes from meeting a soccer mom who he planned to ask for a leftover Gatorade.


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