Sales School 1 Month Away, Local Dealer Vomits

ANN ARBOR, MI  –  Upcoming 2nd summer SW Dealer, and University of Michigan Junior Katie Wheeler, casually glanced at her calendar this morning and abruptly came to the harsh realization that her sales school was in fact just one short month away. The awareness of today’s date, along with a comprehension of her remaining but fleeting moments at her campus, caused Wheeler to regurgitate what emotionally felt like every delicious meal she had enjoyed with her family and friends over the past few months.

The cruelness of the calendar display caused Wheeler to initially break out into a cold panicking sweat thinking at first that her roommates must be playing a prank on her. When confirming the date by looking at the display screen on her phone, Wheeler broke the lock on the bathroom door in the midst of a charging hysterical explosion of vomit, tears, and profanity.

While dry heaving regrets of wasted time into her toilet bowl, Wheeler’s thoughts bombarded her with a murky mix between what she loved and feared about both life at school and life on the Bookfield. Between gags, Wheeler reflected on the lonely dry July heat last summer in southern Oklahoma. Her thoughts then turned to the encouragement she received from her managers causing her to break into a mucus-filled sob session while laying face down on the cool bathroom tiles. After a third toilet flush, Wheeler began silently pondering on the what-ifs that she may encounter while simultaneously trying to remember what the “controllables” were that her OL always talked about. Thirty-five minutes later, Wheeler was able to blow her nose clean and towel down her face enough to leave the bathroom for a walk around campus to “think things through.”

At press time, Wheeler’s OL reported that he had been receiving text messages from her asking about what time the campus info session was tomorrow, and how she wants him to talk to her friend Jennifer.

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