War Memorial Statue “Tired of Hearing Sales Presentations”

NASHVILLE – In a recent email sent to the Marketing Dept., the famous landmark statue at War Memorial Auditorium has requested that next spring as students come through Nashville for training, that they practice their sales presentations in the courtyard down the steps, or inside.

“I’ve kept quiet about this for a while, but I feel like I’m at a point in my life where I need a little more solitude. Some of the other statues around town like Athena at the West End Parthenon and the Elvis on Broadway have been giving me a hard time for years calling me ‘Statue Jones’ and tease me about constantly being ‘knocked on’,” explained the naked metallic warrior.

The statue went on to say that it’s not just the Dealers, but other groups make him feel insecure too recalling when Bobby Langerman, a local 7th grader from Inglewood Middle School, climbed up the statue’s base and put a piece of bubble gum on his exposed iron buttcrack.

“I felt humiliated,” he wrote. “From now on, if nothing else, I’ll at least have my earbuds in listening to my iPod Shuffle instead of students reciting the same  kids book or study guide talks over, and over, and over, and over….”

After hearing of the situation, District Sales Manager Lester Crafton has invited the statue to teach an advanced sales part in an upcoming student manager meeting.

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