Purpose of Glass Balls in Front Yards Still Unknown

Dealers across the mid-west and southern states have been questioning the purpose of the strange glass balls in residential and rural yards for years, but now it seems the epidemic is growing.

“We’re starting to notice them more and more up here too, ” stated La Crosse, Wisconsin-based dealer Matt Seitz. “I got used to seeing them in Mississippi, but I expected Wisconsin to be a little classier than this. I mean seriously, what is the point of those gaudy things?”

The strange balls have been rumored by many dealers to be a sure sign that old people occupy the residency, but now with a growing epidemic, it’s no longer a sure bet.

“I was on a porch waiting for a mom to answer her door when I noticed a middle-school family leaving the house across the street that I had immediately crossed off earlier when I saw their strange glass balls,” related Seitz.

At press time, Seitz was making plans to address these concerns in a special presentation during the student manager meeting at the Ramada Inn this coming Sunday.

Concerns are growing amongst dealers as some have even started spotting them in the shrubbery near their own HQ.

“I’m not even gonna lie, it freaked me out this morning,” recalled Cape Girardeau, Missouri’s bookman Travis Lopes. “I was running out the door headed to my breakfast spot, when there one was sticking up out of the petunias at the house next door. I called to warn my host-mom immediately.”

Bookfield Bulletin was able to get an exclusive comment from an anonymous rural Missouri resident whose house Lopes knew to avoid:

“I’s down at the K-Mart and they had ’em there. Thought the purple one looked nice and what have ye. I don’t know what it’s ‘posed to do. Maybe I have to plug it in or sumthin.”

 
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2 thoughts on “Purpose of Glass Balls in Front Yards Still Unknown

  1. Mr. Walkway says:

    The Lighthouses, won’t someone please think of the LIGHTHOUSES!!

  2. Garden Gnome says:

    We Gareden Gnomes believe the yard globes to be a plague. You see we used to be the foremost redneck yard decor. But our numbers have been slashed in half since the first yard globe appeared in Neosho, Missouri in 1994.

    Prepare for a battle royale as we gnomes and lawn frogs have united against the alliance of yard globes.

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